Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
