Your tits are I can't wait for
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
