Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
