i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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