i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
my liver is dry heaving
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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