i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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