She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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