Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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