im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I need a beard to bite.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
