This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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