Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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