Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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