You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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