K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize