Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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