I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
