filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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