My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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