Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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