He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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