I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
