If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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