haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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