i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Found your dick twin last night
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Randomize
