Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you didnt know i had herpes?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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