we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
3 2 1 whiskey
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I can feel your judgement through the phone
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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