You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
