What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
