I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
