Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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