I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
