I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
