We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
