I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
