what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
