Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
