I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
