please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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