the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
