i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I need to calm my uterus...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
