Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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