Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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