Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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