just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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