Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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