Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
