Someone shit on the floor
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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