Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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