I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
