Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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