if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
