I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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