I feel like abortions should bother me more
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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