we're blogging at a bar
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
