I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
where are you?
Hypothermia
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
