you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Randomize
