He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize