i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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