So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
