you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
