I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize