It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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