I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
