3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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