So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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