My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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