I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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