So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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