You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
