Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Randomize
