everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i believe in u and ur pee
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
