the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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