Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
there is puke in my bra ... again
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
