You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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