the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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