In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
