i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
