Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
