i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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