i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
