my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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