I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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