Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
false alarm. still invincible.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
