I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
