You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i out mim tonsoeep
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