Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize